"So how was home?"
Home was good, as always. There is really no way to compare seeing your family and friends after missing them so much.But I suppose what would be more interesting to Serbwife readers would be the impressions I had of America after being away for so long. So besides the obvious ability to actually communicate clearly with everyone I came across (including the Spanish speaking catering staff at my friend's wedding), there were a few things that really stood out in my mind...
1. Customer Service. You can critize the US for a lot of things, but we really do have excellent customer service. From the cheapest diner, to the nicest clothing stores, anyone working to serve customers is expected to be polite and helpful to every person who walks in. If they are not, the customer has every right, and is sometimes even encouraged, to complain to the manager. In the US, the customer is ALWAYS right and employees are held to extremely high standards. If an employee ever sighed or rolled their eyes when asked to do their job (as I've seen in some places in Serbia), the manager would not be out of line to reprimand them or even fire them on the spot. This system is especially nice in resturants where customers often ask for things after their meal has been delivered and are greeted with courteous, prompt service - unlike in many resturants in Belgrade where once the food is on the table, the wait staff disappears until they come to hover over you while you're trying to pay the bill (so annoying, and really, detrimental to their tip).
2. I also hadn't realized how much I missed a culture that values staying out of other people's way. If you are walking down a busy sidewalk in the US, the slow movers are much more likely to move to the side to let the fast walkers by. I can't tell you how happy I was when we first arrived and we were walking out of the airport and a mother disciplied her children because they were jumping around in front of the exit and the rest of us couldn't get by - because children are taught early that being in people's way is rude. In the US it is not the responsiblity of the person walking by to say "excuse me",rather it is the responsibility of the slow-poke to move out of the way. As a person who is often walking fast and held up by slow people who are taking up the entire sidewalk, it was certainly a breath of fresh air to be back in a place where I had the right of way.
3. Lastly, I forgot how much I like feeling that I actually belong somewhere. I think that many people think that life as an "ex-pat" is a charmed life. We supposedly make more money, we travel often, we usually have good jobs and there are always staff members willing to help make our life easier. I guess in many ways life is pretty charmed (why else would we do it?) However there is always a constant nagging feeling - a feeling that you're always a stranger, no matter how many friends you make. We might live in the same buildings, face the same annoyances (did I tell you my car got towed, AGAIN!) and enjoy the same food but, when it comes down to it, we don't share in the country's past or collective thinking. If the shit hit the fan, we are more vulnerable and more safe all at the same time - while we don't have a social network here to depend on for safety, nor do we understand the languge or the situations well enough to fully understand what is going on, at the same time, we have the option to leave if things get too dangerous. If you've never lived abraod, think of the last time you traveled to a city where you didn't know anyone and were on your own; there is usually no reason to feel uneasy, but yet you still did because you didn't always know what to expect and you didn't have your protective social network around you for insulation. That's what it's like to live abroad. Can you imagine how comforting it is to slip back into your comfort zone when you visit home? Like climbing back into your warm and cozy bed after a hard day's work. That's how I felt while I was home.
posted by Brooke @ 11:34 AM
20 Comments:
It depends how long one was abroad. I have been in USA for 20 years now. This is my home and I feel I belong here. When I visit my friends and family back in Poland (I left when I was 24 years old)it is very nice, but a lot of things irritate me, becouse I am used to diffrent life style, diffrent standarts and people mentality.
Welcome back! Oh I love seeing my family and friends. Always so much fun. We're coming in less than two weeks. Can't wait.
Oh, the service in US. I never had better. Well, maybe in Japan, a bit less smiley, but even more efficient.
Good you're not living in Belgium then. Coming from Serbia down here (or is it up?) I wasn't prepared for all the waiting. Everywhere and on everything. Oh my God do these people take time. Pharmacy seems to be the worst. People will chat at the counter, and chat, even if they see you waiting, sometimes for 15 minutes! Post office is the same (and it's only open during ridiculous hours, like 9:30-12, 13:30-16).
I remember once coming to a nice restaurant. We were hungry and there was no waiter in sight. Then we saw him pass by. Many times. Then we saw other waiters passing by. And we waived. But surely, they know how not to look at you. Finally, after 20 minutes, a guy shows up. We ask for drinks and a card. OK. After another several minutes, he shows up with the menu. Without drinks. Then he disappears for another 10-15 minutes. We have surely chosen our food. And read the menu in details. And watched around. And tried to get his waiter's attention. Finally, he comes again, still without drinks. And he goes: what was the drink that you've ordered? We tell him. And by the way, our kitchen is still closed, you can only have crêpe and salad. Now you tell me! That was it. Hungry and thirsty, we left the place after waiting for almost one hour. The waiter didn't give a damn.
Well,
I don't know what part of the US you call home, but I've experienced some quite surly and arrogant service there. I never felt angry enough to complain, and besides, I didn't wish anyone to lose their job over my complaint (perhaps I should have, especially a very expensive and terrible dentist). Everything in the US seems to depened greatly on the way you look -- blonde, German -Irish- Scandinavian -statistically the dominant class, or "ethnic." I'm affraid, ethnic often means "people who're not of Anglo-Saxon-German-Scandinavian origin.
I'm sad to learn that you actually never felt at home abroad, or in Belgrade, and come to think of it, the name of your blog is quite telling. Perhaps you should start thinking of returning to your roots.
best,
Milica
btw, the time looks a bit weird. I am posting this at 11:17 pm
is your time zone set correctly?
All North Americans should experience your #3.
This is what many immigrants (and even their children born here) feel.
As for "firing people on the spot"...highly unlikely, since employment standards would demand that you prove their misconduct.
If your fired employee challenges you, you could have more of a battle than you bargained for.
Never mind if the employee in question has a union.
I can TOTALLY relate to point n° 2 - I'm constantly trying to get past people who are blocking the alleys, pavements, and quite frankly seem to have no idea what they're doing or where they're going!
As for your point on US customer service, well yes, it's efficient, although IMHO not as pleasing as it is in Asia. To the European that I am, the first name basis (& attitude that goes with it) the moment someone opens your passport can be a bit too close for comfort, especially when you're accustomed to languages that use the polite "you" (vous in French, lei in Italian, usted in Spanish, vi in Serbian) and by definition add a little polite distance. I guess it all comes down to sharing common values... just like any Turk (or Serbian for that matter) will ask you a million questions out of friendliness, in some cultures it will be perceived as nosiness and felt to be intrusive. Likewise, when an American I don't know from Adam starts on the "Hello Sandra, how are you today? (colgate smile)" customer service I don't perceive it as friendly.
Customer service in the USA for me is annoying. They come too often to ask random Qs with their fake smile when I talk to my friends and family and the food sucks at the end. I rather have a good meal and bad service than annoying service and bad food. Anyway, thats actually all unimportnat..thats not what makes a good life, serbwife. Maybe, you ll know it later on in life..for Americans it comes much much later to their knowledge since they pay attention to this stuff. And in Japan is the best customer service in the World, not the USA. bye.
So, Serbwife, can't you feel the love? Aren't you glad you're back so that anonymous posters can tell you what makes a good life? (Maybe you'll know it later on in life???? HAHAHAHAHA!)
Well I, for one, am glad you're back. I missed your writing but I also missed all the negativity that so many of your diaspora Serb readers provide. It makes me appreciate the kindness of Serbs here in Belgrade so much more.
p.s. to Milica - the name Desperate Serbwife is a joke - it's a play on the title of an American TV show (that's even shown here in Serbia).
new ex-pat,
The cooment's rather patronizing and unecessary.
I know the show well, I get it here in London. The question is why did she choose it?
It's rather interesting that you somehow seem to make a distinction between the Serbs in diaspora and the rest of the world. For the record, I'm a Serb-American, (American of Serbian ancestry, or simply Causaisan-American). I file and pay American taxes (even though I live in the UK at the moment) and I vote.
People should stop acting like Serbia is somehow a private joke, the cold war ended a long time ago, Serbia has overturned a tyrant, and the world is turning into a global village, although it seems that some people still long for the good, old days of the "East and West."
cheers,
Milica
I think bad customer service exists everywhere. However, there is no denying that customer service is viewed very differently in certain European countries, Serbia being no exception. I enjoy having attentive service when I'm shopping or dining out, in my home town in N. America, but I don't enjoy over-the-top, forced friendliness. So in some ways, the Serbian alternative (i.e. frequently borderlining on hostility) can be refreshing. It's more real somehow.
well in the usa, if you for example want to go to a restroom (relax or similar) and you come back--the food is gone! in serbia, they leave you alone to eat like you should (not always putting the pressure to eat in 15minutes) and if you need them, you just wave to them to let them know--thats great i think..and also, they know the way you place your fork and knife if they you re done or not. thats what we call manners. expat chill out..stop being a smart ass! noone really heard of despr.housewives, in serbia, we actually dont have tv and we live in some jungle..cc
milica,
Not so long ago I, too, was a Serbian American living in London, and filing U.S. taxes.
I don't agree with you that Serbia has overturned a tyrant. That tyrant is (surely) the U.S., along with Britain, and their cohorts in the Balkans and that group still calls the shots as they have done for the best part of 20 years, placing blame on scapegoats while inventing lies. That tyrant is still to be overturned.
Hi b,
really sorry i missed you in your US sojourn. I really like this post. The thing i sometimes miss when I'm out of my element is the sense of political engagement. When you're an expat, you might have political opinions - or even take some action. But ultimately you don't really have a legitimacy. And - despite what you think - you really don't know what's going on - because a lot of politics is totally veiled beneath the surface. Like: your hero is actually an ogre, but you like him because he speaks english and was educated in the States.
anyway, hope to see you again soon,
gawain
I think that anywhere in the world, the consistant quality of customer service depends on how much you are paying for the service and how much the staff directly benefits from you, ie., tips, commision...
I've seen bad customer service in both Serbia and the States.
The only difference is that Serbs tend to be more open about it.
That's why you don't see customers in Serbia having nervous breakdowns over a couple of dollars discount.
@ new expat
Negativity creates negativity.
The best way to understand different cultures is to try to scratch beneath the surface, not to follow the "wise" thought: "All Asian people know karate".
Nothing to say about customer service, but just welcome back Brooke.
Brooke - it was fantastic to see you when you were home, but I can say with certainty that it's good to be reading your blog again.
One thing I don't miss is the labrynthine telephone customer service in the USA-- all the stuff done out of call centers that typically takes up so much time to accomplish something simple. That kind of thing is really frustrating and I don't miss having to deal with that!
And welcome back.
Serbwife= New-Expat= Alter- Ego?
Hahahaha, sorry to burst your bubble, but I am NOT New Expat (at almost one year here I think I can be considered an old-expat). But funny thought!
Note: This is not a trick question :))
Q: Should everything be taken so literally?
A: Umm, maybe...not?
Note: That was a rhetorical question.
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