Can't we all just get along?
I received this comment on a post I did a LONG time ago and I've been thinking about it more and more in light of recent, angry comments that have shown up on my blog and the ongoing crisis in the Middle East:I could discuss the very strong similarities between Americans, Canadians, Australians and British - including our language, but also our cultures. However, what really struck me about this comment is the amount of anger and resentment that it conveys towards the commentor's Balkan neighbors. I have read so much anger in the comments section lately and seen tons on the television. It seems that so many people in this world harbor such a hatred for entire groups of people, some people hate the Turks; others, the Americans; others, the Israelis; others, the muslims. In the Balkans, most of the hate seems to be focused on Albanians, Serbs and/or the NATO nations. In the US, most of the hate is against muslims. In the middle east, the hate is aimed at the jews. And in general, everyone in the world feels comfortable saying that they hate Americans."Sorry to have to inform you, but you apparently know nothing whatsoever about any of the nations living in the Balkans region. We do not have same culture, language or anything. We are people of our own, Croat is never similar to a Serb to a Bosnian to a Herzeg to a Montenegrian.
To help you understand, I might say that all of you english speaking people are one, Canadians, Australian, Americans and British you've all rowed the boat from GB, haven't you?"
So, here's my question: is it really possible to hate an entire people? Usually the group that is being hated numbers in the millions. Don't all fights have two (or three, or four) sides? Aren't the vast majority of the world's people just innocent civilians trying to make a better life for their families? Are we really getting anywhere by pointing fingers, holding on to old grudges and assigning blame?
The way I see it, the more we can all focus on our similarities, the more we will empathize with each other and the less likely we will be to turn to violence when we disagree. I don't think we will ever end disagreement in the world. However, I do think that if everyone stopped assigning blame and looking for vengenance and started to take a little more personal responsibility for their, and their country's mistakes, and also started considering that throughout the world, people pretty much all want the same thing - peace and a better life - then maybe, just maybe, we'd actually get what we all want in the first place.
Before some readers start telling me I'm naive or idealist or throw other insults at me, just remember, you are taking the easy way out. It is always much easier to, cross your arms, stamp your foot and blame someone else or, worse, just accept the world as it is. It's much harder to figure out a way to make things better. (And, no, toppling dicators because you want their oil wealth does not count in making things better - just in case you were wondering.)
posted by Brooke @ 10:59 AM
15 Comments:
Regarding hate--
As someone who has both the American and Serb citizenship I have to say that i'm more offended by my American countrymen who threat me as though I'm slightly mentaly feeble even though I have a degree from one of the best American universities, than by any rahter primitive and down-right hostile comments that you get in the Balkans. The North American condescending attitudes really drive me mad. as the Balkans go-- everybody hates everybody else. We have a saying "may the neigbours cow die." What else needs be said? My husband says that we, as Americans are in a position to take such hostility with grace and not get too ruffled about it.
Milica
People need to justify their own nations actions through hate. Somehow, it makes them feel as though the aggression is excused on the basis of this hate.
The comment you highlight is humourous to me, since as a Serb, the differences I see between Croats/Serbs Bosnians/Serbs other than religion (the great divider), are differences in dialects and maybe some foods...otherwise, I have much in common with my Croatian and Bosnian friends...even though many hate my guts based simply on the fact that I am a Serb.
And this is very sad indeed.
There is no convincing a heart full of hatred. It's needed so as not to face some of the horrible realities that we have imposed on each other.
All in the name of religion,land and history.
When I met people in Montenegro, a majority of them didn't like Croatians, Slovenians, etc.. but we're talking about a very minor amount of people. It wasn't hatred, it was dislike. A lot went on in the early '90's that only those living there or who have fled can look back on. It is a shame because like Radmilla said, they were once one nation/country with the only major differences being dialect and food.. ok and religion.
Of course it's not possible to hate an entire people! Of course not an entire poeple are (nor can be) terrorists, democrats, spies, nationalists, fat cows- whatever!
It's what a people represent (or are made to represent) - that which their government/state/media/most emblematic figures stand for... or against.
It's as silly as a basic "bad guy/good guy" series; depending on when it was filmed, the bad guy is a Russian with an acne scarred face, a dirty looking Cuban, an Afghan, a Serb arm/drug dealer, a Muslim terrorist... All this penetrates the human psyche and because it's basic, is absorbed as a binary good guy/bad guy template to reading the world.
Luckily, not everyone stops at viewing the world through that template. Unfortunately, too many still do.
In one of your posts, (I think it was the "you know they hate us right?" one) even you wondered how a Serbian family whose baby had been killed in the American bombing of Belgrade, did not hate you as the hated your country, and how they could actually be your friends. When read that, I remember wondering why you wondered that. Before you came to Serbia, did you expect everyone to be an ethinic cleansing nationalist? (rhetorical question here, ;-D)
Anyway, back to our example here, they did not stop at "Brooke = American (and all that American stands for) and that's all there is to her".
But not everyone has the open mindedness to travel, question, actually look and listen and want to see beyond the good guy/bad guy binary template...
I think it's very easy to hate an entire people, and Humans are naturally disposed to do it. They have no faces or personaltities. Entire countries or races can be condemned en mass precisely due to the impersonality of it. It's much harder to hate someone when you know them, have heard stories of theier chilrend and family, and have had your life touched by them in a positive way.
In the same breath, those nationalistic detractors will say "present company excluded, of course." It turns out that although many in Serbia may hate NATO nations, and America in particular, they like the Americans they know personally. It's because you can establish a personal relationship with an individual, but not with an entire people. Its easy to rationalize it. Brooke is here and KNOWS about Serbia and it's condition, but the rest of the Americans who know nothing are to be hated for their part in the NATO bombings.
In my short stay in Serbia I was treated very well by most that I came in contact with. There were some, I remember a Taxi driver and shopkeeper in particular, who clearly didn't like me becasue I'm American. Their hostility surprised me. I don't think I'm capable of that kind of hate for someone I don't know.
The Serbs are some of the most tolerant people on the planet. They have been tolerant to the point where it becomes a detriment to them -- Kosovo is a case in point where once minority Albanians drove out their host Serbians and overran the place, despite having all, and often even more, rights than the indigenous Serbs. Look at how that story has been distorted and turned on its head by the media in the West.
I've never met a stranger in Serbia who asked me "what" I was, meaning Serbian, Croatian -- what? But whenever I was in another part of Yugoslavia it was the first thing they wanted to know. Serbs were Yugoslavs first, Serbians second, while the other nationalities in Yugoslavia (with the possible exception of Montenegro) looked at it the other way around. THAT was why Serbs were demonized - they WERE truly Yugoslavs and Yugoslavia had to be dismembered.
As a Serb, I can say that I have not met a Serb who hated ANY other nationality as a whole -- ever. I certainly don't. But from my experience, I'm not so sure I could vouch the same for Croats, Bosnians, Slovenes, and certainly not for the Kosovo Albanians.
There is a bottom line to everyone "just getting along." First everyone has to acknowledge their own wrongs to others -- after that it might be possible to move on. If there is no acknowledgment, then the lies just fester.
It was such a short time after the bombing of Serbia by NATO that the U.S. was hit by 9/11. What did my friends in Serbia do? Did they rejoice like the aggrieved America hating Palestinians who danced in the streets? Americans, having been spoon fed crap about Serbs, might well have assumed that Serbs would react the same way. But, no. I got phone call after phone call from Serbia from people who were shocked, outraged and shedding tears for Americans. "We know what it's like, " they said. As I said, Serbs are among the most tolerant people on the planet.
I'm seriously laughing at all the ironies in your comment open eyes.
I can't believe you said that you have "never met a Serb who hated ANY other nationality." Hahahaha, have you actually ever been to Serbia? I would say that the vast majority of Serbs don't harbor hate, but there are certainly some that do HATE. Perhaps you should look into the mirror and analyze your own feelings about Albanians...
firstly, great blog, i subscribed immediately.
secondly, as far as hatred in the balkans (and the rest of the world for that matter) goes, it might be news for a person in your situation (although i must say you're one of the most well-informed americans i've come across), but it's an everyday thing for us balkanians.
as emancipated as one might be, this needs to be considered every time one deals with members of a different nation. i might try to see a croat as an individual, not as a citizen of a country that's done a lot of bad things to my people, but at the same time i must be aware that he might see me as a bloodthirsty cetnik who just slaughtered his grandma. it's a fact of life here.
to answer your question, judging by the histories of other european peoples (germans and the french for example), yes, we can all get along, but for that we need at least fifty years of peace and steady progress.
Brooke, I don't know you but I like your blog and I enjoy reading your observations on my country. I like the way you talk about Belgrade and Serbia and all other issues you mention here. I'm really sorry you receive such crappy comments every single time, please don't let that stop you from sharing your impressions with the rest of us.
On a lighter note - I'm dying to know where the hell this opene-eyed person gets his information. The guy is a well of some of the funniest ideas I've read or heard. Truly amusing. I'd love to see how you measure the 'most tolerant' nation on the planet and don't even get me started on poor defensless serbs driven out of their homes against their own will while all they wanted to do is be good Yugoslavs... Ah, sad.
Well, well, "la storia." Perhaps you prove me wrong. It seems from your comment that there is a nation that some Serbs hate after all -- themselves. You obviously do. Ah, sad.
Balkan realities
The Washington Times - July 20, 2006, Thursday [SECTION: LETTERS; Pg. A18 ]
Tod Lindberg is right that the EU and NATO countries should not turn their backs on Balkan countries wishing to share in the peace and prosperity of the new Europe. However, he is wrong to suggest that it was only Slobodan Milosevic's "genocidal policies" that set the Balkans in flames in the early 1990s and wrong to condemn Serbian determination to maintain Kosovo as an integral part of its territory ("Where Milosevic's butchery held sway," Op-Ed, July 11).
It has become fashionable to blame Milosevic and Serbia for everything that went wrong in the former Yugoslavia while overlooking the concerns of the Christian Serbian population in Bosnia and in Kosovo at the grim prospects of having to live in Muslim-dominated states.
Alia Izetbegovic, the Muslim Bosnian leader, was an Islamist extremist who made no attempt to hide his plans for destroying the Christian entity in Bosnia, writing, "There can be no peace or co-existence between the Islamist faith and non-Islamist institutions." As for Agim Ceku, the so-called prime minister of Kosovo, the Canadian military knows what crimes he is guilty of even if the Hague Tribunal refused to indict him.
In 1993, Mr. Ceku commanded Croatian forces that violated a U.N.-brokered cease-fire and overran three Serbian villages in the Medac pocket. When the Canadians counterattacked and re-entered the burned villages, they discovered all of the inhabitants and domestic animals had been slaughtered. Mr. Ceku later also ordered undefended Serbian villages shelled in violation of the rules of war, causing heavy casualties among the civilian population.
In 2002, Mr. Ceku was indicted by Serbia for responsibility as a Kosovo Liberation Army commander for the murders of 669 Serbians and other non-Albanians during the fighting that broke out in Kosovo in 1998. The indictment includes murder, abduction, torture and ethnic cleansing of the non-Albanian population from Kosovo. This is the man recently invited to Washington to meet with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a meeting obviously planned to show U.S. support for Kosovo independence.
For many outside observers, including this writer, the continued support by the United States for an independent Kosovo is incomprehensible. Granting independence to Kosovo would be a serious violation of Serbia's territorial integrity, which is one of the most cherished principles of international law and is enshrined in the United Nations Charter. U.S. violation of this principle would have far-reaching implications for the very framework of international peace and security.
Independence for Kosovo also would create a criminal and terrorist state in the heart of the Balkans. This is not a happy prospect in today's world.
Kosovo independence would set a precedent for other aspiring ethnic groups for independent status and would destabilize not only the Balkans, but many other parts of the world. It also would mark a low point in U.S. foreign policy. It is difficult to be held up as the champion of the rule of law, of democracy and the global war on terror, while at the same time giving support to war criminals and terrorists.
JAMES BISSETT
Former Canadian ambassador to the former Yugoslavia
Ottawa
Copyright 2006 News World Communications, Inc.
Posted for Fair Use only.
Dear Broke, it seems to me that you suddenly get a lot of comments on your blog. Keep up the good work. I really enjoy your blog as well as comments. ;-)
BTW, I've mentioned you on my "B92 Blog" http://blog.b92.net/node/1244 saying you're my favorite ("moja omiljena") expat blogger living in Serbia.
Pozdrav
Maja
serb with open eyes:
I am only half Serbian via my father who was born there. While I think your reply had many valid points, I have to say that I do believe that Serbs & Montenegrians have a huge dislike (i don't want to say hate) for the country America... not Americans. Because of the bombings and the beautiful churches, monastaries, bridges, homes and people who were destroyed. Also, the country (non existent SCG) has been under sanctions for like over 12 years! Of course there is a huge variety of stuff coming to them from other countries but US sanctions are horrible for any country.
I know many Serbs that live in the U.S. who were not saddened by the terrorist attacks on US soil on 9/11. In fact, a majority of the Serb community here in NJ were sad for the lost souls, but very content that America had been attacked. (Myself NOT included).
Today, in Serbia or Montenegro, they do ask you exactly where you are from - not if you Serb, but where were you born, where are you from - this coming mostly from the older generation. After that, they will then ask if you are Serb if you don't offer up that info.
I'm glad to say the younger generation 20's & 30's are changing, but, they went through most of the country's war as children and teens. How they have opened their hearts to change is beyond me, but I'm glad to see some change within that generation.
Maybe they want to move on and move forward.
Americans are welcome tourists in all of the former Yugo, they love to talk to us and hear our stories about where we're from and how we live. I don't know about Croatia, Slovenia or Bosnia because I've never been there, but I know that the people of Serbia, Monte, and Macedonia have been most welcoming to Americans as tourists, and can speak their politics in a most educational and respectful manner. (Unless they've been drinking).
~That's been my experience anyway.~
I think the British/French relationship is a good one to use as an example of this. We took turns trying to invade each other over hundreds of years.
But we have co-operated massively with France over the past century, but still it is the French we distrust the most, not Germany as many might suspect. It feels that our countries are in perpetual competition, never knowing if we can count on the other, even though we have have come to do so massively in recent history.
Time is the greatest healer and as most of Europe hasnt seen war for 50 years, its going to be a long slog before all the rifts can be healed even in Western Europe.
Hey serbianwife, I just ran into your blog and I have to say I find it very interesting. Good work!
I my self live in a foreign country now for six years and I am loving the experience. At the same time I understand how difficult it can sometimes get.
Concerning the post about hate... I hear you loud and clear. I don't get it really.
Having lived abroad and having had a chance to get to know other cultures, I can definitely see how much nations on the Balkan have in common. Especially the ex-yu countries, that have shared a country for 50 years.
We traveled to Croatia last year, a beautiful country, and it really felt like being back home. We also know a lot of local folks there, and we had fantastic time.
Yeah, what else can I say, I just don't get the hate comments.
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