Desperate Serbwife

What must the maid be thinking?

It's Monday, so the maid is here. And I have to be honest, I dread Mondays because I spend most of the day feeling totally guilty sitting on my couch tapping away at my computer while some woman cleans my house. I mean, I don't have a job yet, so why aren't I cleaning my own house? It's not like I have that much to do (besides trying to come up with funny blog entries). But here I sit, typing away while she mops and empties my dishwasher and does our ironing (ugh, she just walked by with the mop and bucket, I feel so guilty!).

I mean, I am actively trying to find a job and I really hope I hear from that NGO this week about the Advocacy Advisor position. And I think that once I have a job and I'm not in the house sitting around like a lazy-ass, I won't feel so guilty (ugh, she just walked by again emptying the garbage). And for the entire month that I've been here, I keep expecting that job thing to happen soon, so we continue to have the maid come every Monday. But meanwhile, it's hard to decide if the all-day guilt is worth it or should I clean my own house to clense my guilt.....well, I guess it's obvious that the depth of my laziness is greater than my guilt.

But as I sit here feeling guilty (and trying to look busy as I type) I can't help but think about what she must think of me. Does she know that I'm just checking my fantasy hockey team scores online or does she think I'm actually working from home. Is my current typing fooling her into believing that I have a very important online job or does she know I'm just babbling? What does she think about our pantry full of cereal and coke? Does that say something about us? Is she impressed that I have a stack of books next to my bed or does she know that it's just a ruse and I'm really only reading the magazines on the bottom of the pile? Does leaving my wallet sitting on the table make her think that I trust her or that I'm just so loaded that I don't care if I leave money lying around? Does she wonder why I don't have all the latest fashions if I'm so "loaded?"

Why do I care so much what this woman thinks of me? She is probably just day-dreaming about something funny her kid said to her this morning and doesn't care at all about me. But seriously, if I were her, I would totally think that I was a lazy ex-pat wife - and perhaps that's because I'm projecting my own feelings onto her. Wow, this could be a whole psychological study by itself.

Oh, great, now the maid just called me in the bathroom to teach me what the towel heater is (I had no idea we had a towel heater, I frankly had no idea what the big metal heater-thing in the bathroom was used for). I am positive that this woman can not imagine that my previous apartment was a tiny, crumbling place (although Mike would want me to point out how great the deck was at that apt. - yes, Mike, great deck - but a deck doesn't make an apartment great unless you love BBQing as much as Mike does). I bet this woman thinks that we lived in a great big house (like on TV) with a big yard and picket fence. That we each had our own SUVs. I know she's looked at all the wedding pictures we have put up and she must think it was the most extravagant party ever - especially since weddings here are a very small family affair.

I wonder if she wonders why we came here at all. I have met people all over the world that are desperately trying to get a green card to the US and they can not fathom why Americans would ever want to live anywhere else. I wonder if she thinks we're CIA - or maybe just me because I type-type-type away on my computer all day. Ooooo, wouldn't that be cool if she thought that I was deep undercover? Ok, I'll spare you from the rest of my daydreaming.....

posted by Brooke @ 6:26 AM