How do you like Serbia?
This is the $64 million question in Serbia. I have been asked this by taxi drivers, grocers, co-workers, friends of co-workers, strangers and just about anyone I meet who finds out I'm American and I live in Serbia.The answer I usually give is something like, "Well, un, yeah, I like it." But my thought is always, well, what specifically do you want to know? and why? and which answer do you want to hear?
I think most are asking because of their "Serbian inferiority complex" in which they 1) think the rest of the world hates them and 2) wish their own country could be better and therefore think that no outsider could like it (kinda like a girl that thinks she's ugly and so seeks re-enforcement of her bad view of herself by constantly asking how she looks). Of course, they could be asking because they are truly interested in my opinion, but I doubt it.
With the people that I've gotten to know well, I feel like I can point out the things that I like and don't like about Serbia, but for taxi drivers, I can never figure out what to say. I mean, how do you start to explain to the guy driving your cab, "well, some parts of the city are beautiful like the pedestrian mall and Kalemegdan park, but jeesh, why can't the city invest in some power washers and clean the dirt and grime off some of the buildings, and why isn't this city working on the parking shortage problem - there is nowhere to park your car except on the sidewalk!!"
How do you explain to the grocer that most shop-keepers seem quite gruff and mean, but my co-workers are some of the nicest people?
How do I tell my co-worker's friend that I think the maternity policy in Serbia is actually detrimental to women's careers? (They can basically get 1 year of paid leave - what smart businessman is going to hire a woman of childbearing age if there is a possiblity he will have to pay her for a year without getting any work out of her?)
How do you tell someone that you just met that you describe Belgrade to your friends back home as "Europe-light" because it's got the same set-up as any Western European city but is lacking in the style and order.
And how do I explain that despite all of Serbia's challenges, that I believe in 20 years time they will be competing equally with the rest of Europe. That the amount of determination I have seen in this country's young people is enough to propel them past all their current problems (as long as the old guard is not allowed to sneak back into power). That Serbia has a population so willing to learn that their future is much brighter than most of them realize?
How do I explain all that during a brief ecounter when someone simply asks, "How do you like Serbia?" I don't know and so I usually mumble, "Well, um, yeah, I like it."
posted by Brooke @ 4:32 PM
10 Comments:
Having had to answer this question hundreds of times myself, I can relate. I hate it when people ask what I think in that cringing voice - it always seems like they're waiting to be sucker-punched.
I think a big part of the inferiority complex comes from the difficulty in traveling outside of Serbia. Partly because Serbs can't get an accurate picture of what people really think of them (aside from those of us who do come to live here) and partly because they don't have a realistic view of what life is really like in the EU, they don't have a true idea of how close / far they are from that lifestyle.
Finally, on the subject of maternity leave, I think if they can make it work it's fantastic for women and families. It's hard for me to judge the situation through my Western eyes when I don't have the inside scoop on what Serbian employers really think.
I realised too that foreigners are getting sick of this question so i actually stopped asking it. Hope that others follow my example.
But when i am abroad i get this "How do you like my country" question lots of times too, so i guess we didn't invent it here, but we sure like to use it.
Good post.
Oops! I didn't realize that my husband said almost exactly the same thing about "The Question" in a comment to one of your previous posts. Obviously this is something we have talked about before.
Follow up thoughts on maternity leave - since I've been here I've known three women to go on leave, and each time work was redistributed to coworkers, rather than hiring someone to fill the position for a year. So at least they're not paying two people for the same job. A year may be a mite generous, but it sounds delicious compared to the insufficient three months American women get. I think employers should make it easier to be a professional mom - it's not our fault it's up to us to keep the species going. And if you are going to have a baby and then be forced to pass it off to daycare or a nanny after three months, it almost feels like what's the point?
I hear what you're saying about the maternity leave thing. I think the 3 months given in America is too short, but I also think 1 year is asking waay too much of company (and has the result of making managers not want to hire women)....there has got to be a happy medium in there somewhere.
I, too have a comment about maternity leave.
Serbia has one highest populations of elderly people in Europe and the birth rate is one of the lowest.
To boot in this unfortunate region majority ethnic / religous groups tend to take advantage of the situation.
I think you have to take a look at the larger picture on this. There should be more incentives for women and families not less in this context.
But ok Im willing to compromise if the idea is to encourage more female employment then so be it. But I dont think so. Its sadly just an easy way to cut the budget.
How is the job search going by the way?
Actually, Serbia has one of the higher birthrates in Europe and I don't think that has anything to do with maternity leave benefits.
The U.S. and India provide less generous maternity benefits, yet both have higher birthrates than Serbia. Conversely, Germany, France and Sweden (to name a few) all have more generous maternity leave plans than Serbia, yet all have lower birthrates.
While I agree that a mother should have plenty of time to spend with her new child, I also think the increase in productivity could really help the economy.
Hello there. I was quite amused reading your blog about belgrade. That is where I am from. I have, however, spent most of my life outside it. The older I am getting, the more I miss it. It will grow on you. Hopefully before you leave it. It's the people who make it special. I have yet to experience such warmth in a city. Your observations seem to be on point. I guess what I am trying to say is that it makes me happy to see someone who finally has an open mind about Belgrade, and Serbs. You are quite right that they suffer from complexes, but look at what they have gone through in the past 15 years, and you might conclude that it would be difficult not to have insecurity about how one is viewed by others. Bottom line is that they are good people, and my only wish is that you will be able to convey some of that to others when you leave. After all, we haven't really done a great marketing job of the country in the past few years.
Wouldn't think that being asked "How do you like...?", "Whaddja think of...?" is particularly Serbian. Grumpiness, though, is definitely more so.
Inferiority complex? -- Hmmm... dunno; peradventure as a counterbalance to too much bragging. Or are they but two sides of a coin?
Belgrade is definitely not a beautiful city -- far from it. But then, there are so few cities that ARE beautiful. North of Rio Grande just Cité du Québec would perhaps qualify (and then only perhaps). -- There is nothing beautiful in city architecture after Art Nouveau, anyway, not even the Sydney Opera house.
Belgrade does have some charm -- and then in parts, maybe just details: a building, a view across the river...
BTW, I do not think you'll stay for 20+ years like your NGO pals. No point in thay anyways. But when you leave, after a few years you will remember just the nice things; that's what most of us do (nostalgia for one's own youth; defence mechanism; whatever).
I've lived in six countries in North America, Europe, Scandinavia, and Asia in the last decade and even the cities I like ther least while I was in them appear nicer over time.
Anyway, grab the moments and do share them. Life is not as long as it looks when one is young. It ain't too short either, but do make the best of it.
You are right that employers will rather hire a male than a female because maternity leave! It happens all the time.
I have heard that in America you have 3 months paid, but you can take as much as you like not paid. That is great solution! You can save some money for those days if you have a job, better than not getting it for being young female!
Hi,
this blog is quite old, but I have to say something about maternity leave. I is almost the same all over Western Europe (few months more or less). And it shouldn't affect company too much because state refund all costs of maternity leave (in Serbia too). But of course most of companies in Serbia doesn't hire another person :(. I saw Michael Moor film lately where he speaks with young American mums in France about this stuff. At the and he sarcastically sad "does France government wash your laundry?". They laugh and say actually yes. It comes that they have service (which is free) that helps mother with baby twice a week for four hours including laundry?!?!?! It is unbelievable I know but is true.
great blog by the way
greetings from Belgrade
Maja
Post a Comment
<< Home